why is it so difficult to love one’s self

i’ve been saying i wanted to quit the cca i’m in now. i don’t feel comfortable with what i’m doing. i feel forced. i’m not gonna deny that i love the people there a lot. i enjoy their company. it’s just the thought of acting. i’ve told my friends abt me wanting to quit but they took it as a joke. I mean, since im in comm now it’s definitely difficult to get out. i still want to be responsible for my own role in the comm. i won’t let others do my part. i’ll get the things i need to be done. i just don’t want to act. i tried to be an inactive member. i told myself not to sign up for any performances but it’s just difficult to escape it. it’s unavoidable.

it’s been awhile since i update, so here’s one. Just for the sake of memories. i think the last time i updated was 2016 & now it’s 2018. Soooo, as much as life goes on, some things rly don’t change. I’m happy of who i am now. i’ve never thought ill wear hijab as soon as i got into poly, but i did. i’ve never thought of attending religious events on my OWN will, but now i am. I would never see myself in malay theatre, but i in the comm now. i even went to a competition for malay theatre. So many unexpected things happened. the things i don’t see myself going through is what i’m going through now. i’m happy with my change initially. But the words of others…. made me doubt myself. i hate saying this but now, at times, i just regret every single change i went through solely bc of the toxic thoughts from others. As much as i want the “old” me back, i know the “new” me is for the better me.

if you managed to move on that fast, I didn't really matter to you in the first place, right?

it sucks because we share the same group of friends and every time there’s an outing, it hurts to see how happy you are without me. 

i really miss you. come back.

dk what to do tbh. Top in class left out, lowest in class also left out

I tried to mend things but it’s not working

omg pathetic